14 Nov Speaking up…
Speaking my truth and voicing my opinion hasn’t always been the easiest thing for me.
Telling someone what I think, telling someone what I feel hasn’t always come easy. In fact its usually come with hesitation, fear, anxiety, worry and alot of over thinking.
It recently dawned on me in therapy that I have become paralyzed sometimes with speaking up for myself because of my past experiences, more so things from my child hood. I grew up in a home where I witnessed that it wasn’t always the best thing to speak up for yourself. I witnessed that using your voice could anger someone, and could or would be taken out of context and it wouldn’t be safe and there would be consequences for it. Without getting into details of it, what I witnessed stuck with me subconsciously and I know it impacted how I was communicating and lack thereof.
As I started growing up and having my life experiences and relationships and living life, I haven’t always said what I wanted or what I thought or what I felt. I have sometimes over thought my words so much and created in my mind how the person would react, that I didnt say anything out of fear or it has come out rather harsh because in my mind, they were going to hurt me or they were going to not accept what I had to say, so therefore my delivery was harsh but really it was because I didn’t know how to say what I wanted to say.
Its wild how sometimes wanting to have a conversation with someone about what I want I would get massive anxiety and those sweaty pits that accompany it lol
And I dont mean only in romantic relationships this occured, this applies to work, colleagues and family. I would sometimes wait on what I wanted to say for days and days and so damn scared to ask for what I wanted or say how I felt and what I thought. Its wild!!
While yes you truly don’t know what someone will say when you ask for something or express your feelings and thoughts about something, but you shouldn’t allow it to paralyze you.
You have to voice your truth and your heart and your desires!
It can be scary and has been scary for me to use my voice. Coincidence that I was diagnosed with hashimotos/hypothyroidism at 16 years old? I think not! If you are familiar with Louise Hay’s work then you will know what I am saying here. Underlying root cause of hypothyroidism, issues with the throat…well I was not using it, I was not speaking up for myself and that started young for me. So for me it is not a surprise that that came up for me because from a young age I have suppressed my voice and opinions.
And although I had alot of internal things I have had to heal such as my gut health and removing my breast implants to finally be in a normal range thyroid health, I know that it is also not a coincidence that at the same time I have also grown massively and used my voice and stuck to my values, my thoughts, my feelings, my opinions and not been scared to voice that. I am using my voice now and not worried about what someone will think. I have not allowed myself to stay stuck and not say something out of fear. And now my thyroid health is in a normal range, something that has not been achieved since I was diagnosed at 16. I know that suppressing ourselves, especially from speaking our truth does and will make us and keep us sick. Disease will present itself in the body in different forms. definitely a blog for another day! 🙂 But this is something that I truly belive in.
The past few years truly have been transformational, with health and becoming myself more and being authentic and sticking up for myself and speaking up and believing in myself!
Now we are all human!! Are there sometimes situations where I revert back to my old ways and stay stuck or delayed on saying something I want to say? YES! I am well aware of those moments when they come up. I have pep talks with myself, like what the hell kenia?! This isn’t you! Whats the worse that can happen?! Say what you want. And almost always it always end up being just fine! I am met with understanding, support and love and most importantly acceptance.
I feel like I have rambled here lol so hopefully this has made some sense! This is me in real time just writing it out so I hope you have been able to follow along 🙂
If you are in a place where you are scared to speak up for yourself and say how you feel or ask for what you want….my advice to you is say it! Ask it! You deserve to be heard. Your feelings and opinions and voice matters. Don’t play small anymore. You will always be supported. Trust that, know that and believe that.
Sending you all so much damn love! Seriously , may you speak your truth and just live life and make the best of this journey, this experience that we are all living right now.
Xoxo
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